You're Allowed to Change Your Appearance for Your Damn Self

My 33rd birthday was several days ago, I'd long begun the usual questioning of my innards. What have I done lately that makes me proud? Where am I on the goals I've set for myself? What can I do to be a better me, for me? Am I happy in this skin, or am I just comfortable?

While most of these check out alright, I'd answered the last question some months ago, and realized that I am just comfortable. Which, in itself, is not bad to be - it took me so many years just to feel comfortable and then confident in that comfort. But, I buy my clothes from the same places I did in junior high, not just because I know my sizes there, but because I'm used to it and branching out scares me. I wear the same color, brand and type of eyeliner that I started using at 16 years old. My style is dull, I've got all this hair and it's in a single ponytail, down, or in a bun, I am so uncomfortable wearing makeup because it just doesn't feel natural to me, and I want to explore these facets of style and experiment a little. Do something different.

So - I've been looking into making changes. In a mug exchange I was given a gorgeous red lipstick, I bought these unicorn makeup brushes impulsively, I have not ever cared about the shape of my eyebrows and got them waxed, I have a full set of acrylic nails on my fingers right now and an appointment made for another, I stopped straightening my hair.

I crowdsourced some ideas from Facebook, and my family, being my family, showed concern towards my wanting to try new looks, stores, etc - because they know my comfort, they immediately assumed I was unhappy and swooped in with "You don't need to change!". Well meaning, of course, but I'm in no way unhappy with me, I am my number one, and that's exactly why change is necessary. If someone does the very same thing for years, eats the same foods, from the same restaurants, for years, reads the same genre for years, listens to the same music for years - and one day decides they'd like to experience something new, maybe something uncomfortable for them, it's more likely that they'll have support, and be encouraged. Because life should include new experiences. But if someone says they want to lose a few pounds, start to wear makeup, or do something different with their hair, it's not covered under "exciting life experiences". Why?

When we get beyond this, I'm asked "How does Antonio feel about it?" I haven't asked, am I supposed to? "He has to look at you. Don't you want him to like what he sees?" Does he ask me if he can change his beard? Or if he can wear tank tops outside of the house, even though he knows I hate them? Does he consult me when he adds a new tattoo idea to his ever growing list? He doesn't, because my opinions on his appearance aren't important to him. And his on mine, aren't important to me. Additionally, "Don't you want him to like what he sees?" NO ONE has ever asked me that in regards to him. So my eyes are just supposed to regard him, and his ridiculous Minions tank top and horrendous track pants with adoration, while his MUST see beauty? Hard pass on that shit.

From me to you? Want to change something, and can make the change? Do it. You don't need anyone's approval, their permission, or even their understanding. You're allowed to feel happy with yourself, you're allowed to be confident in your skin, even when that means experimenting until you get there. 

Live From Washington

I've been avoiding owning two blogs since the last time I owned two blogs - but, a move from Tumblr was necessary, I know the Internet isn't safe, but there was just something incredibly off putting about seeing photos of my tiny sugars reblogged by people who didn't follow me, and then sandwiched in between pornography gifs. Between that and the influx of empty bot blogs, it was time to move my pictures and personal stuff somewhere else. 

And so here we are.

New blogging space, new state, same me!

Actually, can I even say that? I got my nails done for the first time in like 15 years and my eyebrows waxed for the first time ever the other day, and I feel brand new. :heart eyes:

Things have been settling well.

Antonio started work and is enjoying the atmosphere tremendously, Severus starts school next week, as this one is spring break. We're infatuated with our new area - there's a little shopping center in walking distance, the amazing YMCA is close to a library, which is just a short bus ride away {though we could probably walk that too}, Severus' school is almost literally around the corner. 

The apartment itself is cozy, and I'm grateful for the smaller space. I can always keep up with it, I can always hear the children even if I can't see them, we have two full bathrooms, it's bright and open and the best part is - it's home for the year, at least, and not for the next couple of months like we would have experienced going into corporate housing. The complex itself is spacious and incredibly family friendly. 

Little by little our worldly material goods have been trickling in, the rest of the housewares and life stuff should arrive on Saturday and I look forward to my birthday on Sunday being busy with making this place home. 

Beyond our neighborhood, there is so much to see and do. We've done more in the last week of us being here than we'd done in the last year in New York. The summer fun list is filling up quickly.

Everyone is adjusting well too, we're finally starting to shake off New York time. We're checking in regularly with kid emotions to make sure everyone is doing well, and aside from missing their siblings, which already wasn't unusual, they're doing great. The Twinkles are growing too fast, Santino is trying to stand without assistance, they're both constantly yammering, and Santino has three teeth already. 

I'll post some pictures from our trip and recent days in the gallery below. See if it works!